considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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