what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
