I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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