my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
