those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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