im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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