We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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