whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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