I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
