So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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