ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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