this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
