just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
