I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
