He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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