I want to stick my p in your. b.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
