you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
