the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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