My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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