As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
