you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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