That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
