I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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