The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
