dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
