It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
