i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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