I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
