Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
