I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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