are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
