So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
