were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
