yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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