i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
