Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
