the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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