i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
