you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
