Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have aggressive nipples.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
