i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
why is half of my head shaved?
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