We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
