Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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