what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
