stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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