Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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