bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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