just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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