Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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