I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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