She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
