I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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