Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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